The Splendid Quill

March4th

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Oh my gentle Jesus! Do I have a story for you dear readers….

Imagine, if you will, a fine morning in which one finds himself greatly in need of a new billfold. One might then say to himself, “Self, I believe we are in need of a wallet, most steadfastly.” With this sort of resolution, one would no doubt enter the confines of their modern steel steed, say a Chevy Cavalier, or a Mercury Sable and head down to the local purveyor of fine goods. Most likely for the gentlemanly set, a fine haberdasher. Or in this specific case: A Walmart.

While perusing aisle upon aisle of finely manufactured Chinese goods the modern gentleman’s eye might light upon the perfect combination of PVC and Nagahide decorated with embossed flames, or Miley Cyrus. Reaching out gingerly to take said discovered treasure, it would be safe to assume that one might softly caress the item while incoherently murmuring, “…my….precious…”

Truly, with triumph the only feeling swelling within one’s ooey gooey insides, the wallet might be opened. Only to discover HUMAN REMAINS! Seriously my good readers. 10 human teeth. Apparently they were not well cared for either as one had a filling. Foul.

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