The Splendid Quill

January8th

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I’d like to share a story with you. By no means could this story be construed as good, but be that as it may, I feel compelled to share it none the less.

Some background. Or rather, some context. The year is 2001. In this year I found myself experiencing a resurgence in the punk culture brewing in Albany, I had a red pleather jacket full of cliche buttons that I was perhaps too fond of and way to many friends in the Hartford area. Connecticut…New York…it’s not like Massachusetts was in the way or anything.


There was a general air of optimism in the air since the dot.com boom hadn’t effected all us poor college kids and no one had flown jetliners into the sides of buildings to initiate a decade full of fear and really expensive housing.

On one particular fine and sunny April weekend I set out for a bacchanalia (apparently similar to a dithyramb) with the Hartford friends under the assumed persona of Warren, the fearless and self proclaimed bad beer lover with few interests in the world other than wearing his high school math team jacket and promoting Schlitz-Aid, a “full fledged” 501c non-profit. A non-profit that was in existence for the sole purpose of bringing back foil tab topped Schlitz as the only means of consuming beer in the U.S.

In any case, Warren’s mission failed in the end, but it certainly provided for more bizarre experiences than I had ever anticipated when I made him up. From bringing joy to the sober and sending drunks to their knees in fear, free Schlitz is a powerful force indeed. It even got me into a Goldfinger concert. Remember them? But I digress.

I can’t be certain of the exact day, but at one point when too much Schlitz had been “given away” someone brilliantly suggested we barnstorm our way into the weekend showing of Spike & Mike’s animation festival. Once inside and firmly settled, I bore witness to what has become one of the more memorable cartoons I have ever seen. Perhaps it expresses a darker side of my humor that I ought be ashamed of, but even a Nun, I wager, could be found to laugh at this gem.

If you are under 18 and without the express written consent of an adult, you should navigate way from this page. Stat. Now push play…

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